I haven't wrote an entry on this blog for almost a month now.. I have been working out on personal issues, career, business and a breakup from a 4-year relationship (yes.. and it was just yesterday!! after 3 months of hanging we finally were mature enough to accept defeat, stay strong and let go).. I am at a crossroads.. and somehow, I feel like I wont be able to deliver the purpose of setting up this blog.. which is empowering.. myself and others..

I am generally an optimistic person.. in fact, even now that I am going through something.. i am still filled with hope that one day, things will be fine.. i am not hating anyone or anything.. its just that i need to take a Pause.. to grieve, to heal, to think, to renew my strength and to be whole again..

you cannot inspire others and give others advice if your thoughts are all over the place, you're emotions are all mixed and you feel at lost..

someday, i know i'll have lessons learned from this experience... and i'll write it down for everyone who will have to go through the same..

if you're wondering whether i completed my 15.15.15 challenge.. no I wasn't.. i think i only finished half.. some events and some things came up, so instead of going to this place, i went somewhere else, and sometimes it was the weather..

i was supposed to blog as well after i turned 23.. after my birthday celebration.. but I was too preoccupied on other things.. and though i generally feel blessed in most areas of my life.. and thankful for my friends' and family's overflowing love, i decided not to push through with that writing.. i'll save it for my year-end post instead :)

right now, my best friend on times when my real life best friends and family is not around, aside from God... are a tub of  ice cream, sometimes half a bottle of beer, songs from Nina, Juris, Erik Santos, BoyzIIMen and Kyla and great books:

* Floundering at 25: a Younglife Crisis  -  this is a highly recommendable book.. its not a book that tells you what to do, how to cope up.. its just like a best friend... it makes you feel like you're not the only one who had to go through it.. or goes through it.. everything the author mentioned is something i can relate to.. from relationships, career, faith, friendships..

* Eat Pray Love - love this book but still wasn't able to watch the movie.. wasn't able to watch in SG, when I came back only SM Megamall is showing it and it was a busy first week/weekend.. i have to wait for a good DVD copy.. and yes, wait for my DVD player to come back.. which is in the hands of Mr.Yesterday..

* When God Writes your Love Story - this was my source of strength... it fills me with hope that someday, someone will come along, someone God prepared for you, someone who deserves you, someone who would not take you forgranted, someone who would appreciate you, someone who would love you the way you want to, the way God loves you.. you just have to entrust your love life to Him.. and let Him do His will.. that's why when Mr.Yesterday and I talked, i never questioned.. because for weeks now, i've only been praying for both our healing and for Him to do His will.. and maybe this was His will.. maybe the person right for you 4-5 years ago may not be right for you now..

before i get sappy and melancholic and seeming pathetic to you, whoever you are, who will read this blog entry..

I would have to declare a PAUSE to this blog.. I'll be back and I'll bounce back.. soon..

the not so lovely me.. will have to be seen more on the HowAizEeIt blog and Twitter.. where no one seems to care much hehe.. at least less public pdn..